Defeating the Me Monster

The Me Monster is from a bit by Brian Regan. He/she is the person who has to outdo your story with their own, when you try to defend your story, they come back with an even more fantastic one. Unfortunately I find myself in this battle once in a while and have to swallow my pride and refrain from becoming the Me Monster, although not always successfully. Enjoy the original clip below.

I believe that the Me Monster is inside all of us to some extent and it comes out in different ways. Some ways are very subtle by simply proclaiming that you are enjoying something that others are not, to very open displays, like telling everyone that you resent those around you who don’t have the same high standard as yourself. This is seen everywhere.

The moment you distinguish yourself as being more elite than another in any way, you step over the line and become the Me Monster. The moment you state that you hate McDonald’s after someone else stated how much they like it, you’ve become the Me Monster. The moment someone says they like clothes from Kohls and you say you can’t stand them, “Polo is the only way to go”, you’ve become the Me Monster. The moment someone states that they, “will never stay in a Motel 8, because of the low quality, Hilton is for me.”, you’ve become the Me Monster. Do you see a theme here? In most cases, money is the cause. The thing is, most people DO like nicer restaurants than McDonalds, like expensive name brand clothes, and like nicer living accommodations, but most people can’t afford it and the last thing anyone wants is having it rubbed in their faces. Day in and day out, I see this at the Law Firm I work.

Here is an example of an every day occurrence; I’m replacing the items with something similar in case you may know these people. Two secretaries and an attorney at the Law Firm where I work were talking amongst themselves. I was working on a printer nearby and overheard the conversation. One of the secretaries stated how she was going to put in a vinyl fence around her house, the other secretary then talked about some other type of fences that she liked. The attorney then joined in and said how he would only have a customized red stone fence/wall put in and that vinyl fences were just cheap and tacky. So there are three questions here. Did he purposely say this to put this person down? Or did he not pay attention at the beginning and not realize the first secretary stated that she was putting one in? Or did he simply not care and haphazardly said what was on his mind? You could see the hurt in her face, but she laughed anyway. She was subdued during the rest of the conversation and by that time I had left. I personally don’t think this attorney realized what he said, but I do believe he heard her say she was putting in the vinyl fence. I may be wrong, I don’t know, but I don’t think he would have been purposely vindictive like that, I think that’s how he is and was just stating what was on his mind… but that doesn’t make it OK. When you are no longer aware of other people’s feelings, I believe you are in deep trouble spiritually. The moment you DON’T realize how stating the better quality of living you enjoy can be hurtful to others, is the moment you need to reevaluate yourself. But if you don’t realize it, how do you know? Stop, think, really look deep down and search your memory if you’ve done anything like this. I know I have, maybe in not quite as blatant of a manner as the experience I stated above, but I know I have. I apologize to any of you who I’ve hurt in any manner like this, one in particular and you know who you are if you read this.

So how do you get rid of the Me Monster? I’m no expert, that’s for sure, but here are some points that will help. NEVER think you are better than someone else; no matter how they look, how much money they have, how they dress or where they eat. NEVER point out how you enjoy the life you live because of the things you can afford when you know the people that you are talking to can in no way afford what you have. Also, the “Never judge a book by its cover” quote is as valid today as it ever was.

I think I’ve made this blog sound like the wealthy are the only ones at fault, that’s not it at all. Pride is found within EVERYONE. I’ll end with my absolute favorite poem, that I’ve loved since I was a Sophomore in High School. It’s titled, “The Cold Within” by James Patrick Kinney.

Six humans trapped by happenstance
In black and bitter cold.
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story's told.

Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back
For on the faces around the fire
She noticed one was black.

The next man looking cross the way
Saw one not of his church,
And couldn't bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes
He gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store.
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy poor.

The black man's face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.

And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain.
Giving only to those who gave
Was how he played the game.

The logs held tight in death's still hands
Was proof of human sin.
They didn't die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within.

“Love thy neighbor as thyself” and pride will automatically slip away. I’ll step off my soapbox now. ;-)

Is true love always at first sight?

At age 22, I was a single, very active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, aka “Mormon” in Layton, UT. I had dated many girls from my Singles ward and also tried out the LDSSingles.com thing where I met many "interesting" girls. I quickly found that emailing for a long period of time, a month or so in this case, is not the way to meet someone. I became pretty close with a girl, but after finally meeting there was just not any "chemistry" and I was extremely disappointed. After that point, I used the website as a meeting tool. After one email, I would ask them to meet somewhere for lunch or something similar. Not an actual date, but a meeting that would allow both of us to see if there was any of that “chemistry”. I had a couple of bad dates, including a little Asian girl where she told and showed me the picture of the engagement ring she wanted to have, if proposed to… this was our first date… but I also had a couple of fun dates here and there, made a couple of friends, but nothing serious. After 3 or 4 months of use, I decided to stop paying the fee and move on to networking through my friends.

Almost one year later (now age 23), I moved into a condo that I had purchased/mortgaged in West Jordan, UT. My job at that time was paying me handsomely and I could well afford it. I also didn’t want to “throw” my money away by renting. However, I thought it would be wise to have a roommate move in with me to help with the bill, so I could put some more money towards savings. I wasn’t in any hurry, so I started putting some feelers out there. I wanted a good LDS guy as a roommate and tried posting some things on the Community College bulletin and a couple of other places. After that didn’t pan out, I remembered that the LDSSingles.com site had a posting area for rooms for rent, etc. So I paid the nominal fee in the month of July of 2001 to post my room for rent. I had one very wealthy guy who wanted to rent the room out for a while, but I refused him, because he wanted to park his Lexus in the one car garage I owned. If I would have said yes, it would have been a done deal and I wouldn’t have returned to the site… but I wanted my garage. So I politely told him no and waited for another “bite”.

I was bored one night and thought, “You know, I’m paying for the service, might as well see what girls were in the West Jordan area.” I came across a few prospective girls that I could be interested in, but none were my type, but I believed in networking (meeting other girls through girls I meet), so I sent off the normal, “Hi, how ya doin’?” email, received a couple of responses, but nothing that panned out, including one who told me that she was leaving somewhere and would get back to me when she was back in town. Yeah, right. Wrote her off immediately as I thought she was politely telling me to kindly “take a hike”. July ended and so did my account.

The first week in August I received an email from that girl… what was her name again? Oh yes, Aimee. Whom I thought had already written me off; she gave me the “How you doin’?” email. Staying true to my word, I emailed her back and immediately asked to meet somewhere for lunch where we could chat and get to know each other in person. We decided to meet at the U of U, lunchroom and have, well, lunch. Was it love at first sight when I saw her for the first time!!! As it so happened, I IMMEDIATELY fell in…………..mediocre interest. I thought, oh she’s cute, but not my type (at the time, I thought the raven black hair and blue eyes was my type for looks… funny how your “type” changes after time). I admit that I am a guy and base first impressions on looks (don’t tell me girls don’t) and a dark redhead with freckles was definitely not my thing. But we did have a good time, although neither of us felt that “chemistry” we were both looking for.

Once I make a friend though, always my friend. I would give the shirt off my back to anyone who I considered my friend. Aimee and I “dated”, more like hung out, for a couple of months. Aimee was someone who I was very comfortable with. We had similar interests and liked each others company. She quickly became one of my best friends. Such a good friend, that I thought I would hook her up with my best “man” (who so happened to be my best man at my wedding) friend, Blake. So we went on a double, I was checking out the girl that Aimee brought with us as a blind date for Blake and I told Blake to check Aimee out as I thought she was really cool; even though Aimee was technically my date. Well, I caught my friend “checking her out” and I got a small pang of, I’ll admit it, jealousy; nothing big, but big enough where I didn’t ask him on a date with us again. I also noticed that night, that Aimee was kind of leaving her hand out for grabs all night… which may have been one of the reasons I was jealous of even the thought that Blake and her would hook up. I don’t know, but in my mind I thought we had a good thing going as friends, so I didn’t hold her hand. I know, I know, I’m a jerk, but I really didn’t want to ruin our great friendship.

October rolled around and I had to make a trip up to Idaho to attend my nieces’ baptism. I hated driving to Idaho. It was a long and lonely drive. I wondered if Aimee had anything going on and would love to have her friendship through that long weekend, so I asked if she wouldn’t mind tagging along with me. No biggie. She told me “no” and that she was busy that weekend (I found out that she had a date planned, but after talking it over with her Mom, broke it off shortly after our phone conversation). 2 days before the baptism, Aimee called me up and wondered if my offer was still there. Of course it was! We had fun going up and she met my parents. I told my Dad not to get his hopes up as she was just a friend and I just would very much welcome the company during the drive. Friday night we arrived at my parents and we started watching a movie with them. I noticed that she was again holding her hand out to the side like she wanted me to hold it… Again, I wanted only friendship, so ignored it… but I did start to wonder if it would be so bad, if we took this friendship to a whole other level.

The next day we went to the baptism and of course my family was all wondering who this new girl was… especially since this proved some of my siblings wrong who thought I was part of the “rainbow movement”, they’ll never admit it, but I heard some (who will remain nameless) talking about it when they didn’t think I was around; they’ll never admit it, but I never cared what other people said/thought about me then and I don’t care now, so it doesn’t matter. Later that night we were back at my parents and Aimee and I were watching my youngest brother play the video game Ico late at night. We were laughing and our laps were covered by a blanket and I noticed that her hand was yet again there for grabs. After seeing her interact with my family that day and seeing how an absolutely rare “gem” she was (and still is), I no longer thought it was a bad idea. So I made the grab, hoping that I wasn’t misreading her and that she truly wanted me to hold it. She held mine back, and it felt good, her hand fit comfortably in mine and I was very happy.

Well, as the saying goes, the rest was history. After we were engaged, my “type” had obviously changed to Dark Redhead and Freckles. Aimee was (and again, still is) gorgeous to me… but the best part is. We’re best friends. And I am sooo glad we became friends before we made it serious. Our relationship didn’t change much other than the physical interaction, from when we were friends. We still hung out, watched movies, and simply enjoyed one another’s company. A few months later, we were sealed for time and all eternity in the gorgeous Salt Lake Temple and I was totally at peace as I knew I made the right decision.

Aimee is my best friend. I don’t like doing ANYTHING without her. I do everything with her and don’t EVER look for anything to do where she is not involved. I know she feels the same way and in my opinion, that’s true love. Was it love at first sight? No. It was friendship at first sight however, and I’m a very firm believer in becoming best friends, before taking it to the next level.

I love my wife and I know she loves me. That is such a wonderful feeling and I hope that everyone at some point feels the same about someone else as I do with my wife. We now have two beautiful little girls, who I hope and pray turn out as their beautiful Mommie. We’ve been married now for almost 7 years and guess what? We’re still in the honeymoon stage. I still love holding my wife, holding her hand and kissing the back of her neck. I love everything about her, I love her smile that brightens anyone’s day; I love her personality that makes everyone feel like they mean the world to her; I love that special look that she only has for me that lets me know how much she loves me; I could go on forever with all the things I love about my Aimee. I tell her how beautiful she is every day, because I absolutely believe it… and it still amazes me how happy I am with her. I totally and completely believe that she is my “Soulmate”; there is not one person who has made me feel as special as she makes me feel. As I sit here at 3:00 in the morning, away from her and my girls, I feel empty. The better half of me is gone and I wish she were here. Now the whole world officially knows how much I love, adore, and need her. I’m sure she’ll be very embarrassed when she reads this, which is one of the other million reasons I love her.

Not that any of you have asked, but here is some relationship advice, for those looking for some. I strongly suggest you become best friends first and when you know that you are, take it to the next level and see what happens. It's extremely rare for you to find true love in bars or clubs; that is Hollywood’s definition of “love”. Tell me about the divorce rate there? After friendship and you move to the next level and you are both receptive to how it turns out and it blossoms into "true love", hang on to it and never let it go or fade. Never grow so comfortable in your relationship where you stop complimenting each other, showing affection, or simply saying, "I love you" and think it's ok, because she/he knows how you feel. True love and happiness do not go hand in hand in my opinion. True love can withstand all, but that love must be nurtured. When it is, you will have true happiness... I'm not talking about being the receiving end of that nurturing either, I'm talking about the giving end. I love showing up from work when I know she's had a long day with the kids and is at wits end and handing a rose to her with a quick love note and seeing the watering of my precious wife's eyes, it makes me so happy when I see her so elated. Do I believe in love at first sight? Maybe one out of every billion. I am a strong believer that it takes time to discover true love and when you do, I hope it’s how I described and that you will cherish him/her forever.

Since it’s so late and I’m so tired and exhausted, I’m sure most of this blog doesn’t make any sense, so I hope you’ll forgive me for any errors or typos I may have made.

Blogging

My brother-in-law Scott gave me the idea of putting together a "blog" after I read his heart wrenching story about him and his daughter. Scott, I give you "props", for staying strong through the whole ordeal and turning something that many people would see as a negative experience(s), into a positive.

I'm usually a person that likes to stay out of the limelight; in the background or shadow of more outspoken people, but the neat thing about a blog is, it allows me to state my opinion without fear of having my side of the conversation being overruled, squashed or trampled on, or simply ignored (although I guess you can still ignore it, but at least I won't know about it ;-).

I've had 2 or 3 things that I'd like to post, and since I'm in Grapevine, TX by myself while missing my wife and kids terribly, I find some extra time on my hands, so decided to do this. I hope those of you who read my blog, enjoy it.